HAMILTON, NY—Reports indicate that this past Tuesday at 4:15 pm Colgate senior Donny Finch, who does not have access to cable television in his off campus apartment, entered Trudy Fitness Center, swiped his Gatecard, walked to the upper level, stood on a treadmill, and just watched some classic NBC re-runs.
Finch, who seems to have a high tolerance for local commercials, proceeded to stand still for a full hour and a half as he watched an episode of Law and Order: SVU with an intense, unbroken focus that other gym goers described as “merciless,” “harrowing,” and “kind of appalling given the low quality of entertainment he was consuming.” Other students were reportedly upset with Finch, because every other treadmill was in use. However, when they asked him to step off the treadmill he just shushed them by putting his index finger on their mouth and asking that they not interrupt him and wait their turn like everyone else. Finch finished the zero mile run with style and finesse in just under 62 minutes.
When asked for a comment Finch told reporters, “That was refreshing. There’s nothing like a quick trip to the gym to keep your blood pumping through exam week.” Ever an inspiration to us all, Finch has indicated that he will be back next week to catch an all day marathon of HGTV’s House Hunters.
The Monthly Rag 
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