HAMILTON, NY—Life on the normally tranquil Colgate campus has been disturbed over the past few weeks as Curtis and Drake Halls and the Bryan complex have been mysteriously replaced by “Commons.” Most students report having no idea what these new structures could be. A Parke sophomore told the Rag “I used to live in Parke tower, but now I have no idea what is going on,” adding “I don’t know what it wants from us.” Linguistics major wanting to be identified only as Hal began studying these bizarre structures soon after they appeared, and he has become increasingly alarmed by his findings. “I think they are trying to communicate with us. Many of them have attached animal symbols to themselves, and markings that seem to advertise events called ‘Field Days’ and ‘Pizza Socials’ have appeared on their exterior surfaces.”
Hal also told us that they may be attempting to hold elections of some sort, possibly to find individuals that they can reveal their intentions to. Despite reporting interest in what plans these entities might have, one Drake resident told us he was unlikely to attend as all of them occurred at times when he “was either drinking or recovering from drinking.”
The Monthly Rag 
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