Hiya homies, it’s Terry, your favorite tour guide, here to shine some light on the best of Colgate! To welcome our bright freshman that have yet to be worn down by years of our cutthroat academics, I thought I’d talk about some of our super funnest, most hallowed traditions!
The Colgate Hello: The Colgate Hello is infamous, and an integral component to our campus culture! The Colgate Hello extends far beyond your friends, professors, your semi- awkward acquaintances. Any human being with a pulse you make eye contact with deserves your sincerest salutations. Seniors especially—the more enthusiastic your hello, the more they will respect your freshman glory. Forcefully stopping a student that does not say hello back is a completely acceptable way to keep the practice strong.
Lucky 13: You know the saying that Colgate was founded by 13 men, with $13 and 13 prayers, but our lucky day has more to do with the infamous 13 than this stretched legend of ancient white men. Contrary to Wikipedia, all twelve films of the popular Friday the 13th slasher franchise were filmed in Hamilton, NY using real people! This was back in the day of yore before we had the point system to punish people folk—don’t be silly, we don’t murder students anymore! Our institutions’ success can be attributed to these films and the made bank they made for our endowment. Colgate’s unofficial motto is “There’s nothing luckier than buckets of cash monay!”
Torchlight: It’s common to see students leaving the library eyes bleeding, limbs shaking—it all goes to show that we don’t mess around here when it comes to being successful. Torchlight is a fun little tradition to make sure students never forget it! Torchlight originated in 1889 when exhausted students would carry torches to guide themselves home from the library to avoid slipping, falling, and dying in the blistering snowstorms that plague our campus.
Homecoming: Homecoming marks the triumphant return of the Wall Street White Boy, yearning for his sweet fraternity. Making millions of dollars simply can’t compare to the lifestyle of alcoholism, drug abuse, degradation of women, and lifestyle of absolutely zero responsibilities and consequences. The Environmental Studies department runs a study every year to analyze the migratory patterns of the hundreds of washed up frat stars returning home.
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