A wave of conflict and confusion has reportedly passed over Professor Anderson’s Legacies of the Ancient World course after his students read an online version of The Odyssey, rather than the traditional print form. Misunderstandings arose within the first few minutes of the 8:30 class.
Professor Anderson asked his students who authored the famous text, and eager freshman Katherine Jacobs responded, “Well, The Odyssey wasn’t really written by one person in particular. It was written by an engaged network of over 14,000 content creators who sought to spread both universal content and personal discovery through one united, accessible platform.” This student’s answer was met by reassuring nods from her classmates, but her professor remembers this moment as the first of many red flags. He responded to her answer, saying, “Ah, yes, I guess that’s mostly correct. Most scholars don’t believe Homer to be one single poet, but rather a synthesis of an oral storytelling tradition passed down through generations. So yes, in a way The Odyssey was written by a pretty large community. The more it was shared, the more the story interacted with its audience.”
Jake Somerville brought forth the overarching importance of home in The Odyssey which he found in articles such as Five Stages College Students Go Through When They Leave Home, Twelve Things You Have Totally Said While at Home for Break, and An Open Letter to the Girl Who Won Homecoming Queen.
At this point of the class, Anderson began searching the corners of the room, looking for prank show hidden cameras, until he finally said, “Are you messing with me? No, seriously? Did we read the same book?” When his statement was met with puzzled looks, Anderson reportedly threw his lecture notes into the air and said, “Sure! Of course you’re talking about Odysseus’ conflicting desires for homecoming and glory, right?! Sure! Fine! What else have you got?”
A reluctant sophomore, Sarah Murphy, raised her hand and suggested the importance of pride, vengeance, and loyalty in the society of The Odyssey, citing the article The Five Unspoken Rules of the Girl Squad.
In a display of stunning release, Professor Anderson stood on top of his desk and screamed to his class, “DO ANY OF YOU EVEN HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT? WHERE IS THIS SHIT COMING FROM?” Anderson reportedly let out a loud, primal scream before ripping his notes in half, throwing his chair out the classroom window, and leaving the room abruptly.
He announced later in the day his decision to retire from teaching, citing his “inability to connect with modern students” and his “extreme aversion to everything millennials stand for.”
The Monthly Rag 
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