Freshman, like the rest of us, were no doubt impressed by the beauty of Taylor Lake when they first toured Colgate, only to later start harboring thoughts of how disgusting it probably actually was. The recent layer of foul green algae that has settled in has no doubt confirmed your suspicion. We here at The Monthly Rag are happy to provide a history and celebrate of one of Colgate’s most beautiful and repulsive features.
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1796- Elisha Payne, founder of the village of Hamilton, arrived at the farm one day to find that thirteen of his cows had died from Mad Cow disease; he disposed of the carcasses in the Lake.. 1838- As religious fervor swept Upstate New York, Colgate ministers conducted immersion baptisms in the Lake. Unfortunately, the young Nathaniel Kendrick held a convert underwater a tad too long as he gave a speech about Divine Providence. The funeral was held on the spot as ministers let the body float away. 1873- A barge loaded with coal, lead, and oil traversing the now- defunct Chenango Canal runs aground and spills its cargo, which made its way into the Lake. The Great Spill of 1873 was made into a fun game when town gatherings were held to set the poisoned lake on fire. |
1910-1953 Fraternities conducted unspeakable acts of hazing on the lake in the wee hours of the morn- ing. Trace amounts of hard drugs and bodily fluid can be found in the lake to this day. 1965- A student drunkenly crashed a car into the lake. Attempts to retrieve the car failed as it sank deeper and deeper into the mysterious grime that lays at the Lake’s bottom. 1981- After a meltdown at its nuclear plant in New Paltz, the state of New York Dept. of Energy buries toxic uranium beneath the lake in exchange for a generous and undisclosed amount of money to Colgate. 1983- Following the deposit of nuclear waste, reports of a “Loch Taylor Monster” begin to spread of a tentacled beast with seven eyes that eats drunk freshmen. |
1988- A mutant man-toad-turtle is reported to be stalking the lake. Beast’s identity is later identified and confirmed to be former Colgate President Jeff Herbst. 1992: A student, possessed by the lively spirit of music and cocaine, sunk a piano into the watery depths. 1990’s-2000’s- Geese constantly shit in the lake. Just thought we’d remind you. 2015- Noxious toxins in the lake kill beloved Colgate swans Adam and Eve. Oh, you thought they were sent to a farm in Upstate New York to live happily ever after? 2016- Several thousand discarded beer cans cause current algae bloom. |
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