HAMILTON, NY—Wanted for Immediate Employment: Cute fall-festive guy to engage in romantic relationship, potentially coitus, for the duration of the autumn season. Employer is average-looking freshman girl, 5’8”, 135 lbs, fun, bubbly personality. Contract ends December 21, 2016 (first day of winter). Extension for winter season possible, decisions will be made on a case-by-case basis.
Duties include day outings to pumpkin patches, apple orchards, and corn mazes, wearing a hot, but still cute, couples Halloween costume, photographing employer during outings, and posing for photos with employer that will be edited, filtered, and posted to Instagram in a timely manner. Participation in No Shave November will nullify the contract, unless the scruff gives off a sexy lumberjack vibe. Fulfills 1 Physical Education Requirement; contact your advisor for more information.
Requirements: Smell like a pumpkin spice latte. Flannels and Bean boots encouraged. Photography experience recommended. Applicants will be evaluated on physical looks and not much else. Submit a copy of your headshot and resume to thirstygurl@colgate.edu by October 21, 2016 for consideration.
The Monthly Rag 
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