Career Services on how to naviGATE a Politically Divided Home over Thanksgiving

HAMILTON, NY—As a part of their Real World series program for seniors, Career Services hosted an informational session for students traveling home over the upcoming break in an effort to teach them some of the skills necessary to handle their family members at Thanksgiving. The coordinator for the event, Karen Wallace, told a reporter, “We really stress strategy and target our tactics for potential future family interactions. It’s important to know key facts, such as state and national voting histories of all extended family members, in order to ensure a smooth and enjoyable dinner with one’s relatives.” Wallace stressed the importance of sticking to key talking points throughout the holiday, such as when being asked about one’s major, it’s best to say Biology or Economics, regardless of what one’s actual major is, as to avoid further questioning or skepticism. This tactic can also be used when Grandma asks why you never call her. It is imperative to explain that you have no recollection of having received her calls and letting them go to voicemail because your phone “just isn’t working,” emphasizing that you are baffled by “technology these days, huh?”

When possible, Wallace advised students to avoid potentially sensitive topics, such as your future career path, gun rights, and your cousin Brittni’s new boyfriend. When questioned about how to respond to conversations regarding the results of the Presidential Election, Wallace urged students not to risk discussing the results of the election with family members at all costs. “I get that we all have civic duties to create dialogues about important issues facing the nation and to be mindful and engaged citizens of the world around us, but for the love of all things holy, just sit this one out.” 2016 is an especially complex year to try to escape family interactions, because football is no longer a safe and utterly mindless bonding activity due to the conversations surrounding recent protests over the national anthem. In an emergency scenario, such as your uncle Johnny wanting to show everybody a “great article he saw on Facebook about the rigged media,” Wallace suggested the best getaway to be either the kids table or to the kitchen to help with dishes—because menial labor and having to touch nasty gravy sink water is undeniably better than the emotional brawl and psychological torture that would have otherwise occurred.