Parents Ask for Explanation of “Challenges of Modernity”

DENVER, CO—As Colgate students returned home to spend time with friends and family this Thanksgiving weekend, many were confronted with difficult, if not unanswerable questions. Questions such as: “Who is the boy/girl/dog in this picture, you two look serious?”, “How come you never call?”, “Why did you buy a medieval goblet on my Amazon Prime at 4 in the morning?”, “You pierced your what?” are seemingly common- place and can be adequately answered with, what is in college, a reasonable amount of obfuscation and deceit. However, this Thanksgiving, one Colgate sophomore was asked a question he simply could not answer.

Amid a table filled to the point of collapse with overcooked food, alcohol, and political animus, a daring set of Colgate parents begged the question, “What in the hell is ‘Challenges of Modernity’?” when looking at their son’s transcript. Like any of us would be, this sophomore was speechless. He is, of course, currently enrolled in the course but despite this and his somewhat decent attendance record, no responses were coming to mind.

When interviewed, the sophomore commented, “I knew it was the class with all those books I refused to read… and I remember something about a bunch of required lectures about opera and stuff, but I’ll be damned if I know what all that has in common. Anyone’s guess is as good as mine, really.”

At this already impeccably tense, supposedly community-oriented dinner, however, anyone’s guess was simply not going to be good enough. The student panicked. Blurted out, “It’s about modern literature and how it relates to living in the 21st century!”. When asked what that meant, the student consulted his syllabus and directed his parents to the Schmoop summary of “On the Genealogy of Morality”. They were ultimately impressed that a person so young could pretend to read such a pretentious book, and decided that their tuition payments were going to good use.

While it still remains a mystery what exactly “Challenges of Modernity” is, this encounter may bring us as a Colgate community one step closer to understanding.