Top 5 Careers under President Trump: Making the Most of Your Liberal Arts Education

As Colgate students prepare to go into the job market under the Trump administration, the changing economy in America and changing national policy may leave some students unclear as to their future options. Fear not! We at the Rag have compiled a list of the 5 most popular jobs under a Trump presidency.

1. Coal Miner—As part of his plan to make America great again, Trump will be scrapping all clean energy subsidies and returning America to a coal-powered nation, opening thousands of jobs for Colgate students in the coal mines. Duties include: powering America. May include risk of Black Lung and horrible mining accidents, as well as ruining the environment.

2. Soldier—While our nation has always relied on and respected members of our military, President Trump has vowed to increase the size and strength of the military “bigly.” Students seeking a job under a temperamental Commander-in-Chief should be prepared for rapid deployment anywhere in the world. Qualified applicants will speak Mandarin, Farsi, or Canadian.

3. ICE Agent—To solve our nation’s illegal immigrant problem, President Trump has proposed mass deportations of illegal immigrants residing in the United States. Applicants should be good at breaking into homes and ripping parents away
from crying children. Applicants must be able to work in a high-stress environment. Side effects include questioning your morals and developing alcoholism. It’s basically like working in finance, but without the good pay to console you.

4. Construction Worker—As part of a plan to create “millions of jobs, really, we’re going to have the best jobs,” President Trump intends to put millions of Americans to work on infrastructure projects across the land. Qualified applicants will have either an engineering degree, or prior experience building walls. Candidates should be able to lay cinder blocks next to another uninterrupted for 700 miles.

5. Lawyer—Lest anyone forget, President-Elect Trump is facing multiple lawsuits for criminal and civil cases (Having gone through 3500 legal cases already). Anybody who thinks his presidency won’t face massive legal challenges for all the personally atrocious and legally unconstitutional things he and his administration will do is kidding themselves—which is why now is a great time to pursue a law degree! The need for lawyers of all stripes is expected to skyrocket in the next few years, with a pay scale to match!