HAMILTON, NY—Last fraturday, freshman girl Katie Roche finally achieved every basic girl’s dream: she managed to snap the perfect “rinsta-worthy” photo while standing atop one of the tables in the middle of the dancefloor at Tach. The Monthly Rag managed to get an exclusive interview with Roche to discover how such a feat was possible. According to Roche, the story of the photo began earlier that week, when she checked the weather and began thinking of outfit ideas. “I saw that it was supposed to be sunny and kind of warm, but unfortunately Beta had an outdoor fraturday the weekend before, so I knew that it would probably be inside,” explained Roche. “Luckily, the sun would justify wearing sunglasses even indoors, which is great because they complete any outfit.”
On Saturday morning, Roche awoke early to begin preparing for fraturday, glad that she had already composed the perfect outfit. It consisted of perfectly ripped jeans, just dirty enough Adidas Superstars, a flirty but not too sexy shirt, a thin black choker, and rose-tinted sunglasses. Her getting ready process included taking a quick shower to wash off the dried punch from Phi Tau, blow drying and straightening her hair, getting her eyeshadow to look cute but daytime appropriate, and fixing up her manicure before heading out to pregame in Andrews.
“I wanted to get a good pic at the pregame, since I hadn’t insta-ed in like two weeks, but I was so busy doing shots that I totally forgot,” said Roche. “I decided to be bold and attempt to take a pic once I got there instead.” Luckily, everything went in Roche’s favor and she was actually able to accomplish this usually impossible task. Upon arriving at fraturday, Roche and her friends grabbed some lukewarm Keystone Lights out of a half-empty rack by the door and made a beeline for the dance floor. “My favorite senior in Tach was at the front of the right-middle table, and he was so nice and pulled me and my friend Alex right up. That’s when I knew I had the perfect opportunity,” Katie said. She stepped over on to the left table, handed her phone to her friend still on the floor, and struck her cutest pose with Alex. Apparently, they successfully managed to look not too drunk or sweaty, and the background of the picture looked “lit, but with no visible beer cans.” At press time, Roche’s perfect photo had racked up 543 likes and 53 comments with heart-eye emojis in them on Instagram.
The Monthly Rag 
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