WASHINGTON, D.C.—Following the failure of Congressional Republicans to repeal Obamacare, alarming reports poured in from Washington D.C. on March 15th that Donald Trump has been stabbed by GOP senators on the steps of the U.S. Senate. Despite warnings from his soothsayer, Steve Bannon, to “beware the Ides of March,” Mr. Trump nevertheless went to the Senate to criticize the investigation of his campaign. Cameras captured the whole affair on tape as Trump approached the Capitol.
“Most high, mighty and puissant Trump,” began Sen. John McCain “I doth throw before thy seat with an humble heart-”
“What the hell is this?!” interrupted Trump, “You’re all trying to undermine my presidency, and you know, what, it’s disgraceful, ok? I didn’t want to say it, but it’s disgraceful.”
Sen. Lindsey Graham sought to intervene “Is there no voice more worthy of my own to sound more sweetly in the great President Trump’s ear-”
“The Republican Party needs strong and committed leaders, not weak people such as @JohnMcCain, if it is going to stop illegal immigration,” Trump shouted, before adding, “It’s a disaster. Sad!”
At last Ted Cruz tried to calm the temperamental tycoon as Sens. Rob Portman (R-OH) and Pat Toomey (R-PA) knelt in homage, “I kiss thy hand, President Trump, but not in flattery, desiring thee that John McCain may-”
“You know I don’t believe it, I’ve received tremendous support, yuge support, except from the GOP leadership,” said Trump, cutting him off.
It was then that the senators had had enough. “Speak, hands for me!” shouted Lindsey Graham
as he lunged at Trump with a dagger. Toomey, McCain, Cruz, and others pulled knives from their coats and joined in.
As the fracas ended Trump glanced up at a timid, shaking, sweating Senator Rubio holding a bloodied knife before uttering his last words. “Et tu, Little Marco?”
The Monthly Rag 
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