HAMILTON, NY—Discussions about expanding Greek life have been going on for years at Colgate, but the 2016-17 school year has seen students taking greater strides when SGA passed a resolution last fall establishing a dialogue with the administration about this admirable goal. Colgate has been falling miserably behind in party school ranking as Princeton Review’s ranked Colgate #10 out of 380 schools—SGA hopes Greek life expansion will get Colgate back on the right track by ushering in an atmosphere conducive to #1 party-school raging.
Some opposition has surprisingly come from a few Greek members themselves, critiquing the system and their place in it. “Honestly I think everything about Greek life is so problematic,” said Lara Hypolis, “I’m definitely a social justice warrior, and really believe in intersectionality, inclusivity, and equity. I wouldn’t be in my sorority except that I live in the house, so at this point it’s not really my fault.” When Rag reporters questioned Hypolis about her feelings on hypocrisy, Hypolis listed off about a dozen other social justice buzz words before becoming confused and telling our reporters they were white supremacists that needed to check their privilege.
The harshest critiques leveled against Greek life expansion have been focused around the organizations’ exclusivity. To challenge the exclusivity, supporters of the expansion hope that they will create so many fraternities and sororities that every single individual on campus will be unable to resist the overwhelming peer pressure to conform. “We’re thinking about creating fraternities and sororities for faculty and administration members as well,” says SGA senator Cray “CrayCray” Jones Larchmont IV, “Maybe taking their tension out by hazing each other will spare students of faculty’s vindictive grading practices.” Larchmont suggested this at the last meeting with administrators, getting some great feedback after passing a few Natty Lights around with prez Brian. Other expansion ideas include fraternities and sororities for sports teams, political groups, COVE volunteer groups, radio enthusiasts, and deer. The potential of every living creature being shoveled into Greek life on campus may very soon be a reality.
The Monthly Rag 
Recent Comments