HAMILTON, NY— Link Staff has planned to introduce a fresh, new ice breaker this fall with the incoming freshman class of 2021. After enough people finally said, “Why the fuck did anyone ever think ‘Screaming Toes’ was a good idea?” they decided to cut the bullshit. The question that best helps one get to know a Colgate student on a meaningful level is the following: What Ivy League did you apply early decision to?
After going around the dreadful circle stating name, where home is, social security number, and crushed Ivy League dream, the students will sort themselves by Ivy. It will then be extremely easy to assess the personality of each individual: Yale, Princeton, and Harvard, (extremely disappointed in where life has taken them thus far) or the humbler Dartmouth, Cornell, and Brown (only mildly disappointed by life). These students will then bond over where they should have been accepted, with their identical extracurriculars, service trips to El Salvador, and Daddy’s money.
But if these students are looking for the Ivy League experience, they are not to fear. Colgate is viewed as a respectable institution from Westchester to Westport. And if you are from anywhere else and nobody knows about Colgate, you can make it sound more prestigious than it really is by using phrases like “selective liberal arts college” and “Hidden Ivy.” Academic prestige aside, there is more than enough elitist snobbery to go around, truly contributing to the Ivy League-esque atmosphere on campus.
Despite the stark personality differences depending upon the Ivy, at least the Class of 2021 will have one thing in common: being rejects. This will create more solidarity than a game of ‘Screaming Toes’ ever could.
The Monthly Rag 
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