HAMILTON, NY — Panic struck the Colgate community last week when rumors surfaced of John Jug’s potential sale of his popular local bar, The Old Stone Jug. Praised for its almost nonexistent drinking age and easy access to watered-down liquor, a loss like this could potentially decimate Colgate’s party scene.
Matt “the Guy” McKinnon, a senior in Phi Kappa Tau, held back tears while explaining, “John Jug is my idol. He’s the only true role model I have. is has the potential to be a major tragedy. I’m sure the frats on campus could rally around this loss, but I just don’t know if we can handle it. No one does more for this community than The Jug.”
While the entire student body would certainly be rocked if The Jug is indeed sold, the freshmen would probably suffer the most, having had the least amount of time to spend at this cultural hub. One freshman boy, Parker Jeffrey, expressed his sadness saying, “when I first came to Colgate, I struggled to find ‘my spot’ on campus. The first freshman Jug night, I knew I had to look no further. This is probably the only place in the world that I feel like myself.” Another freshman boy, Adam Miller, has sought the help of Colgate Career Services in response to the rumors, “I already put ‘Jug Rat’ down on my resume, do you think I will have to take it off if John Jug sells? I’m probably just gonna leave it, it just looks so right in between ‘future member of Beta’ and ‘known asshole.’”
In the event that John Jug succeeds in selling his beloved bar, students will likely be able to find confirmation of the sale on his Snapchat story, @oldstonejug. As an avid Snapchat user, there is little that John Jug does not post, updating students constantly on his “Lake Life” as well as his “Jug Life.” As John continues to encourages the community to “blackout at the Jug,” students can remain optimistic that The Jug will not be sold any time in the near future.
The Monthly Rag 
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