HAMILTON, NY— Sophomore Peter Linwood released a statement to the Monthly Rag that he is, in fact, not addicted to the Juul e-cigarette of which he was consistently ripping throughout his interview. Linwood explained that he had recently acquired a new pack of mint pods which are, “definitely the best,” and wanted to make the most of them while he had them, ending his sentence with another Juul rip.
Linwood added that he was, “totally not addicted,” and could, “quit whenever [he] felt like it,” but that he had no desire to quit hardcore ripping his Juul V3 anytime soon. The intended econ major also reported that he has a high nicotine tolerance and needs a lot to feel it, and that he would definitely know if he was addicted.
Sources close to the student say that they would never let Linwood get dependent upon his Juul. “He just can’t be spending all of his allowance on pod refills, like, he’s good until he has to ask his parents for extra money to get into the Jug, and I’d never let him get that bad,” said Linwood’s roommate, sophomore Josh Picken, as he took a rip of his own fruit medley pod. Picken supports his roommate’s denial of any Juul addiction, arguing that you can, “be a fiend and not be addicted, ya feel?”
When questioned on reports of being spotted ripping in his 11:20 Legacies class, Linwood replied, “it helps me think, and I’m just trying to be on my A game, is there anything wrong with that?”
As of press time, Linwood had emptied his pod and was seen asking Matt from down the hall for a rip after hearing a crackle from his direction.
The Monthly Rag 
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