Beta Brother Sends the Rag Zodiac Letter

HAMILTON, NY—This week an encrypted message, similar to the infamous Zodiac letters, was sent to the offices of The Monthly Rag. Our crack team of codebreakers and cryptographers spent days trying to break its fiendish cypher, but through their diligence they were eventually able to unravel it. The full message follows.

I LIKE HAZING PLEDGES BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN. I LIKE HAZING PLEDGES IN MY BASEMENT. IT IS MORE FUN THAN GOING TO PARTIES BECAUSE SOPHOMORES ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. BREAKING A PLEDGES LEGS IS BETTER EVEN THAN GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF WITH AN UNCONSCIOUS FRESHMAN GIRL. THE BEST PART IS THAT WHEN I DIE I WILL BE REBORN IN PARADISE AND ALL OF MY PLEDGES WILL BE MY SLAVES. YOU WILL NOT STOP ME FROM COLLECTING SOPHOMORES FOR THE AFTERLIFE. THE PIGS TRIED TO STOP ME FROM TAKING FRESHMEN GIRLS, BUT I JUST LET THEM IN AFTER THEY CHECK ANYWAY. MAYBE NEXT WEEK I WILL THROW A PARTY AND I WILL PUT XANAX IN THE PUNCH AND PICK OFF ALL THE LITTLE FRESHMEN WHEN THEY COME DOWN THE STAIRS AFTER THE SWEEP.

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