One Giant Shit Show: Dislocated Legs and Forgotten Vapes

HAMILTON, NY — It all started with four tequila shots and, of course, as any other great Jug night begins, with no intention of going to the Jug. After 19 years of not drinking, Buzzedfeed Vapegurl (@buzzedfeed_vapegurl) decided to jump on the bandwagon. Two hours of singing, vaping, and ding-dong ditching later, Vapegurl decided it was time for some drama.

Somehow, while standing completely still, she managed to fall against the 3rd floor West armoire, sending her patella to the opposite side of her leg. Now, fortunately, tequila has some numbing effects, so she wasn’t in pain. On the other hand, wits were numbed as well, and 7-shot-deep Bearded Redflame – AKA Doctor Watchedallofscrubstwiceexceptfortheninthseason – decided the best plan of attack would be to relocate it himself. It was pretty gross. If you want to shut down a party, just whip out a dislocated leg. People hate looking at that shit.

Flash forward a week, and Vapegurl has a busted knee, crutches, and two (2) more Jug nights under her belt. Despite the fact that she could most definitely easily hobble through the stairless, non-icy, extremely safe hill from the Bryan Complex to the quad, and that Colgate’s campus is very handicap accessible (they told professors not to park in handicap spots anymore so she can leave her crutches there), Vapegurl has been added to Campo’s transport list.

Unfortunately, since it’s really unusual for Hamilton to get snow this time of year, there were no chains or snow tires on the car driving Vapegurl to her Super Bowl party. After 5 minutes of blocking traffic, unable to get enough traction in the 6 inches snow to leave the Curtis loop, Mr. Campo Driver lucked out when avid gym goers Yard Frosen and Papa Zahapa showed up to save the day.

“I’ve been working out every day and I thought it would be a cool opportunity to show off my biz to a girl who physically could not walk away,” Frosen responded when asked about the event.

“I really didn’t want to do it, and I’m from Philly, and was mad that Yard wanted to help. GO BIRDS,” Zahapa stated. “We were missing the pregame commentary, and I’m from Philly so I really wanted to make it on time, but at least we did end up helping them get off the road. Go birds!” He finished.

“Like, I don’t even care that I only got dropped off halfway to my destination. I got there fine and only fell once,” Vapegurl explained. “It’s not like both my knees are busted. I’m just embarrassed that I forgot my vape in their car and have to ask them to bring it back next time they pick me up.”