Juicy J Gets Absolutely Cocked by DU’s Jungle Juice

HAMILTON, NY — Bet you thought campus drama couldn’t get any juicier. Well you thought wrong, because things got a little juicier when Juicy J came to town. After the concert Saturday night, Juicy J decided to hit Broad street to get a taste of the night-life at Colgate, and lets just say he got more than a taste. He had more than a taste of alcohol that night, that’s for sure. He was first reportedly seen at the Jug telling freshman girls to “Bounce It” on the dance floor. He was later spotted behind the bar with John Jug bonding over their matching initials and making plans to collab on a new marketing campaign. Rumors have it, John wants Juicy to be the new face of “BLACKOUT at the Jug.” They will also be launching some new merch featuring their initials: JJ, soon to be advertised on John Jug’s snapchat story. In pursuit of a Jug hook-up, Juicy proceeded to buy rounds of tequila shots for all the ladies who joined him on stage that night.

It remains a mystery as to how he ended up at DU but he reportedly drank 13 cups of their punch. Each time he went to get more, the responsible sober monitors were hesitant but he begged, “Yo hit me with another cup of that Jungle Juice. I gotta ‘Stay Trippy’ tonight.” and “‘Gimme Gimme’ mo’ J Juice for Juicy J!!” After requesting his song “Bandz a Make Her Dance” for the 6th time at the DJ table, he started throwing fists with Frankie (aka trst.) He claimed to be mad because Frankie wouldn’t play his song, but others believe he was irritated by the fact that Frankie pulled a bigger crowd than he had since his release of “Dark Horse” with Katy Perry back in 2013.

It was at this moment that the sober monitors decided to drag intoxicated Juicy J off the dance floor and call for help. He was safely transported to Community Memorial hospital and hooked up to an IV (not the kind of “hook up” Juicy had in mind for the night). Juicy J recovered quickly but was forced to meet with Jane Jones about his wild night before he could leave campus. Juicy J didn’t mind this though, she too had the initials that he repped on his chains, JJ. When Jane asked Juicy what happened that night, he responded “Well Jane J, it was just ‘One of Those Nights.’ I mean, I really tried to keep up, but Colgate students drink more booze and pop more pills than all of my brothers from the hood and homies on tour, combined.”