HAMILTON, NY — Kombucha has long been considered the domain of unwashed 70-year-olds, white moms looking for a new way to torture their kids through food, and hippy colleges, such as Reed and Bowdin. Its live cultures of probiotics, strong fermented taste, and slight chance of being poisonous have made it unappealing to anyone who sticks to a more mainstream diet. This would make it seem unlikely that kombucha would ever attract the straight- laced Colgate kids, who prefer such classics as Slices with Ranch, Ed Burgers, and anything too expensive for the masses.
The first sign of kombucha’s potential entrance to the Colgate market, though, came when students realized it was sold at Flour and Salt for the price of $5 a bottle. One Saturday morning, local Beta brother Dick Richington was heard saying to his girlfriend, “Maybe we should try that stuff. I normally love anything that seems much more expensive than it should be, and five dollars is definitely ridiculous for just a bottle of juice.” Upon taking his first sip, Richington realized exactly how far kombucha is from just juice, but his pledging instincts kicked in and he quickly chugged the whole thing. At first, he was disgusted by the vinegary taste, but an hour later he realized that he’d stumbled across nothing short of a miracle worker. Richington’s hangover had been cured, and he began to spread the word of this blessing in disguise.
Within weeks, Price Chopper was stalking every flavor of Synergy brand kombucha, and they could still barely keep up with the demand. One employee informed us that “this stuff has just been flying off the shelves. We can’t figure out why, because it seems gross and overpriced, but we see the same students every week getting multiple bottles. I can’t imagine why they like it.” Upon hearing this, Rag reporters decided to investigate the phenomenon in greater depth. Everywhere we turned, students spoke of its mystic abilities to speed up their Saturday morning rally for Fraturday and prevent them from puking in the library on Sunday afternoons.
“I used to think it seemed strange, but the taste has honestly grown on me. Sometimes I even use it as a mixer now to prevent the hangover as it’s happening. Trust me, you have to try it,” said a sophomore girl Lizzy Harrington. After hearing from several more sorority girls on the benefits of kombucha, we decided we had learned enough and proceeded to purchase large jugs of kombucha and several handles of Recipe21. Find us blacking out at the Jug without worrying about the hangovers that we’ll have tomorrow.
The Monthly Rag 
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