Slices Closes Before Stoners Figure Out What to Order

HAMILTON, NY — Earlier this week, two bros back from a lit fuckin’ night at the library Jug rolled a fat J and smoked some of that dank-ass kush, yo. According to witnesses who had not partaken in said smoke sesh, the two bros then spent upwards of an hour sitting on a Gate House couch debating what to order from slices.

Colgate students and local stoners Kevin Doe and Jayden Ravine thought they were in for a usual night of getting high, playing Fortnite and ordering slices. Unfortunately, the two were reportedly unable to come to an agreement over what to order. Doe wanted pizza, while Ravine favored wings.

“Dude, let’s get buffalo pizza.”

“Dude what? No, slices come plain only.”

“Yeah dude but we’re not getting slices we’re getting a pie.”

“What dude no we’re ordering from Slices.”

“Let’s get wings.”

Unaware that they had mixed up an actual slice of pizza with the name of Colgate’s favorite eatery (ba-dum-tss), the two continued to debate the merits of various pizza joint foods, including mozz sticks, tenders and nachos. Unaware that Slices does not make nachos, the pair reportedly forgot they were discussing a Slices order and proceeded to talk about how hungry they were, how high they were, and the various foods they would eat high right now. They returned to playing Fortnite before Ravine suggested that they order Slices, having seemingly forgotten that they had already been doing that. By the time they settled on a large plain pie with ranch, slices style, Slices had closed.

Local drug dealer and fellow stoner Dan Kweed was asked to comment: “Honestly, it was just careless, man. Any self-respecting pothead knows Slices closes at 2 but stops delivering at 1:30. You hate to see it, really. These guys have been in the game awhile now and I have a lot of respect for them, but that’s a rookie mistake; some day one bullshit and it’s just not going to fly in the big leagues.”

When asked to comment, Doe and Ravine declined, claiming, “Never touched the stuff, dude,” “What? No, Mom, I don’t even know what weed smells like,” and “I’m so high right now, bro.”

The pair reportedly went to late night Frank instead.