HAMILTON NY — As the school year draws to a close, we find it necessary to reflect on the moments that truly capture the spirit of our beloved Colgate. While L’s seem to be trending around campus, 2018 is definitely the year for peaking. We at the Rag know that summer is fast approaching and want to ensure that everyone reaches their peak too, because all of us here have already, so we put together the Top Five Rallies of 2017-2018 to guide you on your way.
5. We’ll start off easy, as this year has provided us with the most rattling of rally stories, with the tale of a young lady who drunkenly made the decision to relieve herself on the stairs up to the pregame. Yes, that is right. The new freshman class decided that two bathrooms on each floor of a dorm is not enough, and who could blame them!? At least she made it from the pregame to the Jug with an empty bladder and room for more.
4. The extended heavy winter not only gifted us with a wonderful snow day, but it also seemed to provide us with exactly what we needed: a place to rest. Have you ever felt way too tired to make it from that radical party on Broad all the way to after-hours downtown? Well, snow banks seemed to be the perfect solution for Colgate students this year. Many unwell souls were caught resting in these chilled beds only to be shaken awake by their friends moments later, and were reported to have looked almost as if this was their first stop of the night. Amazing!
3. The Juul has made this list, because not only has it given us all a wonderful nicotine addiction, it has also been used as Colgate’s most effective trig-puller, followed closely by that random girl’s finger in the Jug bathroom. The smoke stick was seen being used in this manner and honestly we at the Rag are not surprised. It might be difficult to find a friend willing to stick their fingers in your mouth in these rallying times, but there will always be a Juul in someone’s back pocket.
2. The next rally was interestingly enough reported by our favorite group on campus, Campo. An officer approached our team to inform us that milk apparently has a newfound sobering effect. Campo was notified to retrieve a student who reportedly fell asleep in a bowl of cereal. Shaken by the unnecessary inclusion of authority, the student defensively shared that they were not asleep, but instead letting the milk soak into their face in order to not boot and rally. The cereal was just there for a snack, sources say.
1. Last but definitely not least, I give to you the #1 rally of the year voted for by literally everyone. Clearly aware that she was too drunk for her own good, this brave girl decided that she would only be able to rally if she removed her IUD. This girl better be pre-med or she is doing herself an injustice. The justification behind this wild action is limited and the case is still an open investigation, but RESPECT!
We hope you have found inspiration from these acts of courage in this small town of Hamilton, NY and remember whatever lessons you have learned in your future endeavors.
The Monthly Rag 
Recent Comments