HAMILTON, NY — Career services was left reeling this Friday when a student allegedly told one of the office’s counselors during a resume certification that she was ‘actually considering doing something with cultural anthropology, like working with a museum.’
“I was taken aback.” said Career Counselor Taylor Misham. “I asked her if she meant she wanted to do nonprofit or government work and she just sort of laughed and told me that she really wanted to go into a non-finance field. It was – horrifying. I just asked her if she was being serious.”
This shocking news comes days after the announcement of Career Services’ new resume writing pamphlet, which offers three pages of advice on specialized resumes for finance and tech majors, with the remainder of space between its ‘technology keywords’ and ‘NGO tips’ aimed at informing humanities majors of good sites to dumpster dive in New York City and which east coast cities offer the best homeless shelters.
Career Services is expected to add two of the newly-hired Campus Safety officers for permanent residence within their offices, where they will aggressively beat anyone who say the words “art” or “literature” within a 5ft radius of Benton Hall, except in the case of loudly laughing at everyone who has ever set foot within Little, Lawrence, or Lathrop, which Career Services refer to as the ‘Loser Halls’ in internal communications.
The student in question has denied comment and is expected to return to living within her parent’s basement upon graduation.
The Monthly Rag 
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