Sex Position: The Admissionary

This sexual act involves touring your partner’s body in hopes of being admitted inside his or her prestigious institution. As they walk backwards around the room explaining what types of activities you can do and where the best study spaces are, you can get a long, hard look at your partner’s spectacular full frontal nudity. Whisper gently into their ear about how diverse each class year is and how Benton Hall is huge for sustainability on campus. Grab your partner’s thick booty and moan, “At Colgate, we work hard, and we play hard. Nearly a third of students on campus are affiliated in Greek life. But as an administration we make sure to have fun, social spaces for those who aren’t in fraternities or sororities.” Be sure to incorporate the chipwich into the love-making. Before you finish, tell your partner they are going to ‘Gate slimed to supply proper warning.