The Open Window Technique

HAMILTON, NY — We once again have reached that special time of year where desperate freshmen will do anything and everything to find someone willing to buy them alcohol. This year, the classics have been attempted. Some freshmen have smuggled a handle into their room in their suitcase while others have gotten in on an order and are hoping it doesn’t get seized by customs. The less fortunate have resorted to waiting until parents’ weekend where they will beg their parents to buy them a case of Keystone. Some freshmen, however, have gone a less traditional and bolder route that involves an open window and an unsuspecting passerby.

“Basically, it involves screaming, ‘Hey, are you guys 21?’ out a window to anyone that looks remotely older. Most of the time we try to yell it at people with cars parked outside our building. We call it the Open Window Technique,” explains Brad Jones, a first year living on the second floor of Drake. Brad and his roommate have used the Open Window Technique at least five times and are confident that it will work. “So far no one has gone for it but we’re sure that it’ll work someday.”

Undeterred by the common responses of “no” and “what the fuck?”, freshmen continue to use the Open Window Technique. Some, however, find it much harder with their housing arrangements. “Living in Andrews makes it kind of hard because no one can drive on the residential quad,” says Anna Waters, a third floor resident of Andrews who has not yet mastered the technique. “There are no cars to yell at. At least I’m not at the back of the building, though. No one goes out there.”

Residents of Gate House, however, find the technique completely impractical for their building. “Our windows don’t open so we can’t even try it. A know a couple of people have tried yelling it out of doors but it really doesn’t have the same effect,” says a first year who wishes to remain anonymous.

Only time will tell if the Open Window Technique becomes a standard. For now, upperclassmen can only applaud the freshmen’s initiative.