HAMILTON, NY — It seems that each new year, welcome swag for first years only gets better. For the class of ‘21, it was Colgate-themed Nalgenes, while for this years’ freshmen there are maroon knit sweaters with a vintage-looking “C” on them to commemorate the upcoming bicentennial celebration (find them at the bookstore if you’re ready to drop $75!).
Unfortunately for those ‘21ers living in the sophomore-only dorm 113 Broad, the Nalgenes have been rendered essentially useless; there are no bottle-filling options in the building. No, not really even tap. The sinks are too short to fit a whole bottle so water spills out the top, leaving your sink wet and bottle empty; much akin to the physical vs. mental fulfilment from last week’s DU hookup.
One thirsty sophomore complained about the anti-sust mindset surrounding the fountain debate. “I have to buy a 12 pack of water from P-chops once a week. I hate how much plastic I waste but the desperation to fill my body with fluids overpowers my lust for sust,” he claimed as he poured the contents of a disposable water bottle into his reusable one. Appearances are everything.
An Office of Sustainability intern also shared his thoughts: “we thought about using some of our funding to buy a fountain for 113 Broad, ” he continued hesitantly, “but then we would have to brag about the donation…” It goes semi-unsaid that even after renaming the dorm, Colgate hesitates to draw any unwarranted attention to the questionably shaped building.
Due to the complicated nature of one of the wealthiest colleges in the world buying an $80 water dispenser for an entire building, there are three obvious alternate solutions: 1) Make the sinks bigger. 2) Maybe don’t give a sweaters to one or two of the freshmen and use that money to buy a water cooler. 3) Save up some snow each year, melt it, then serve that to the residents of 113 Broad.
But on second thought, warm Keystone has some water content in it. So we’ll probably be alright.
The Monthly Rag 
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