HAMILTON, NY — Last week, bored first year Yikah Mack mistakenly clicked on the latest Student Government Association email reminding Colgate students to rideshare, marking the first time a non-SGA member has paid any attention to the association since that time in 2014 when people protested.
“Wait, SGA hasn’t been shut down this entire time? Isn’t that what the whole government shutdown thing is about?” responded confused senior Leah Knight when asked about her feelings on recent Student Government actions. “What the fuck is SGA actually supposed to be doing again? Do they, like, actually have a job?”
Leah’s visionary statement echoes across Colgate, where a whopping 1.3 percent of students participated in this year’s SGA elections, down from 1.4 percent last year and likely due to the retirement of last year’s senior Student Government members. Elected officials of Student Government at Colgate proudly tugged at the Dean’s sleeve like abandoned children exactly one time last semester, marking the end of any feeling on their part to take any action in regards to social justice, campus culture, or doing their jobs. Rag reporters caught an SGA representative departing from yet another session of idly discussing campus issues without taking any action to fix them for an exclusive interview.
“Yeah, it’s a pretty cool opportunity for the resumé,” said the Student Government representative, who has invoked their constitutional right to not be named in this paper under federal libel laws. “I’m planning on doing an internship in D.C. this summer, and once they see how much experience I have doing absolutely nothing as everything goes to shit around me, there’s no way I’m not gonna get the job.”
The Monthly Rag 
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