HAMILTON, NY — “Where did I go so wrong? How did I piss God off so badly that he’s putting me in this position of responsibility?” Junior CL Klue Lesse continued to mutter after the Rag questioned him regarding a recent email he sent to his residents in 133 Broad. “How the fuck does one of the most prestigious universities in the world admit students that behave like this? It’s honestly just embarrassing.”
Lesse continued his rant and finally revealed to us what was bothering him so much. On top of clogging toilets because they dumped their dirty bong water in them, residents of 113 Broad have taken to peeing in empty bottles and leaving them in various locations in the dorm. “The cleaning staff is truly underappreciated when they have to report stuff like this to me,” Lesse spoke sadly, “and there’s even more that goes on beyond the pee-bottles.”
The first-floor wake and bakers (having once again stayed home from class to smoke) thought they had been hearing weird noises, but it turns out one suite of 4 girls literally just had 5 puppies. They just kept real live dogs in their rooms. Is that even legal? Should we have called the humane society or something? The puppies were unregistered but discovered after each one had its own instagram created for it. “Super, super cute, don’t get me wrong” Lesse defended himself, “but I have to do my job you know? Plus, tiny dogs like that can’t just live between a dorm room and brief potty breaks in the snow. It’s just not right”
All in all, I think it’s fair to conclude that CLs deal with some wack shit and that the Colgate student body is not nearly intelligent as the school likes us to think. Being booksmart isn’t an excuse to pee in water bottles, steal peoples’ laundry, or toss a chair through a window.
The Monthly Rag 
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