This month can be hard on all the sad single people out there who promote things like “Galentine’s” or “Brolentine’s” Day unironically, which at this hook-up obsessed school is pretty much everybody. Luckily, with alcohol by your side, you’re never truly alone. Drink up, you sad bitch.
Materials:
(1) bottle of a champagne of your choice—we here at The Rag support a nice Blanc de Noirs of a decent year
(4) bottles of the shittiest red wine you can find (1) heart-shaped box of chocolates
Instructions:
– Start off by toasting to your own singleness with your bottle of champagne. Every time you remember how much better this would be with another person, chug like you’re trying to refuel your tear ducts with wine.
– When the champagne is gone (like all of your potential lovers), crack open the first bottle of red and sip when:
– You see an annoying couples’ Instagram post
– You hear someone say, “I love you”
– You open Tinder in an attempt to find someone—anyone—who will fill the void that currently occupies where your heart was
The Monthly Rag 
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