HAMILTON, NY — In April, Spring Party Weekend AKA: SPW AKA: the Reason 42.0% of Colgate Students Attend Colgate 2k19 will take place. With another SPW comes another class of first-years and transfers to experience the weekend festivities for the first time.
“SPW is wild. Can you see this? In my mouth right here? That empty space between my incisors right there in the top row? SPW ’17. God, I love this school,” the class of 2020’s probable Salutatorian Hunter Warbucks said.
The first thing to do in preparation for your inaugural SPW is calling your mother. “I hadn’t talked to my mom in, like, 3 months. Calling her from Community Memorial Hospital to ask my blood type was definitely not how I wanted to reopen that line of communication. I cannot stress this enough—know your blood type before SPW,” Jenny Hawkins, class of 2021, said.
After learning your blood type, you should promptly make some reservations before all the rooms are reserved on this very special weekend. “I was a dumbass my freshman year; I was left out in the cold like a schmuck. It really ruined all my plans. Now, I just make sure to call and reserve a room a couple weeks ahead. They get the IV drips prepped and the cot all set up for you if you call early. They also get you some Gatorade. Make sure to ask for nurse Carol, she’s the sweetest,” Xander Martinez, class of 2019, said.
The final step for SPW preparation is limited to Colgate athletes. “You need some clean piss. No matter what, you will need clean piss. I was straight-edge my freshman year. After SPW, I tested positive for weed, coke, LSD, e, and benzos. Thank god there were no games left. Shit could have really fucked up my career. I make sure to have a couple bottles of clean pee at all times now. The system of pick-ups at Curty are fucked now, but let me know if you need any; I know a guy,” Zachary Quinton, class of 2020, said.
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