Rag “Fucking Drippin’ in Sauce”

HAMILTON, NY — The Monthly Rag recently acquired some pullover sweatshirts—and it is no overstatement to say that they are “fye.”  The pullover is black, with a crest in the front-left with the motto “The pen is mightier” inscribed in the bottom of the crest.  On the back, the saying “13 Stories Written by 13 Writers After 13 Beers” is written out. Multiple members of the Monthly Rag have reported an increase in: body count, lip bites in their direction, winks in their direction, and general lust directed toward their soul.  The new swag has created a real stupor among the Colgate population.

“Oh god..they’re just so fucking cool.  Do you know if [redacted] is single? I’ve just never seen so much drip in my life.  Oh lord, the ambiguous motto just… Does it mean 13 writers drank 13 beers between them or does it mean they each drank 13 beers?  God, I don’t care. I just want [redacted] right now,” first-year Nadie NoOne said.

This much sauce, however, has caused some friction among the Rag members.

“I just don’t know man.  Do they want me for my fucking handsomeness or for my sauce?  It’s a real mind-fuck, man. It’s keeping me up at night, man,” Rag member Great Personality Jared said.  

The lust hasn’t been limited to the students either.

“Dude, I was just in Frank getting some food when this lady just comes up to me and my friends.  It was fucking wild. She says she fucks with, like, the Rag and shit. And I’m like ‘Aight, dope.’  Then she’s like ‘I don’t always fuck with it.’ And I’m like ‘Bet? Aight then.’ So, like, basically, she wanted my dick,” a first-year Rag member said.

Despite the general lust for the new Rag pullovers, there have been some students that don’t appreciate the aesthetic.

“Does [redacted] not fucking have anything else to wear?  [Redacted] has worn it to French all damn week. He has like six fucking stains on it!  And one of them looks crusty as fuck… Just, uhhhh, wash it for God’s sake!” senior Todos EveryOne said.

Although some students’ jealousy will get in the way of their fashion sense, the Rag has vowed to persevere.

“Fuck him!  This—this is just some lotion I dropped on it.  My elbows get ashy!” an anonymous Rag member said.