Classified: Rag Seeking Gatehouse Gossip Correspondent

Given the inevitable hedonism of this glorified storage unit, The Monthly Rag is seeking a freshman correspondent to provide us with the latest intel regarding the drama, debauchery and property damage occurring in this architectural affront to upper campus. Applicant must be a resident of Gatehouse, embittered over their classmates’ access to more foundationally sound and demonstrably more sanitary Burke and Pinchin, and must have the journalistic integrity to rat out their ground-scoring jello-shot-slurping neighbors and Chads who wouldn’t shut up about their resistance band training workouts during quarantine. If you are interested in committing yourself to this vital position on the Rag’s staff, please send us an email with your resume, CV and three letters of recommendation explaining why you can provide us with the most recent and compelling intel on how some physics major improvised a bear trap out of old COOP sporks and mouse traps to deter Campus Safety from interrupting their beer pong marathon. Or just like, text us. The bar is pretty low. Regardless, we are counting on you to secure us with the inspiration for our latest hard-hitting articles. The Rag wouldn’t be the same without information about our most notoriously deprived and systemically alcoholic slice of the freshman class. In these strange and uncertain times, the antics of Gatehouse residents are what provide your fellow Colgate students with the amusement, disgust and solace that at least their own blackout embarrassments didn’t result in multiple broken tibias. To help us survive this semester with a smile and engage a gag reflex or two, contact the Rag at themonthyrag13@gmail.com today. We just wanna know what the fuck is up.