This sexual act involves touring your partner’s body in hopes of being admitted inside his or her prestigious institution. As they walk backwards around the room explaining what types of activities you can do and where the best study spaces are, you can get a long, hard look at your partner’s spectacular full frontal nudity. Whisper gently into their ear about how diverse each class year is and how Benton Hall is huge for sustainability on campus. Grab your partner’s thick booty and moan, “At Colgate, we work hard, and we play hard. Nearly a third of students on campus are affiliated in Greek life. But as an administration we make sure to have fun, social spaces for those who aren’t in fraternities or sororities.” Be sure to incorporate the chipwich into the love-making. Before you finish, tell your partner they are going to ‘Gate slimed to supply proper warning.
The Blacked-Out Restauranteur
Each fall semester brings in a new group of bright-eyed First-Years, excited to try all that downtown Hamilton has to offer. For upperclassmen, it means coming back and revisiting their favorite downtown spots, like La Iguana or No. 10 Tavern. There is, however, an unfortunate problem in the town of Hamilton. Local businesses have a tendency to drop like flies, going out of business faster than ‘pre-med’ First-Years drop out of BIOL 181. This is a reality we all must deal with, so we might as well be shitfaced to for it. If your favorite place went out of business since you’ve been at Colgate, this one’s for you!
Materials:
1-4 people
Tequila
Margarita Mix
Natty or Keystone, your choice
Funnel
How to Play:
May be played as a group. All drinking must occur in front of the establishments previous home. Start by making yourself a large margarita. Take a large gulp for every year La Iguana was in business (10 gulps). Funnel or shotgun 10 beers for No. 10 Tavern. For N13, you guessed it, take 13 shots of tequila (please do this in a group for your own good). For the upperclassmen, chug a beer in front of any business that went under during your time at Colgate. For the First-Years, chug a beer with your fingers crossed in front of any business you hope to protect from the Hamilton curse. If a coffee shop or bakery takes the places of the fated business, double the required drink. Finally, pour one (beer) out for each failed business. Real respects real.
The Dorm Reunion Drinkathon
With graduation right around the corner, countless seniors are inevitably going to run out of gogo juice for their celebrations, but that doesn’t mean they can’t swipe some from underclassmen! Senior Dorm Reunions are the perfectly awkward and depressing excuse to blackout and avoid conversation with the freaks you lived with freshman year, while also totally abusing underclassmen with your social capital. Remember to drown your sorrows of leaving with as much 80 proof as your body can physically handle, because you’re in the real world now, bitch!
Players: 1+ Materials:
None. The first-year whimps will provide the supply tonight.
Instructions:
– Definitely arrive to your old room already blackout.
– Use promises of bids and verbally threaten your target in order to convince them that you need their alcohol more than they do. Lie your ass off, ’cause they’ll totally believe you.
– When you finally brainwash them into your way of thinking, kick the first-years out of their own room and lock the door. What are they gonna do, call Campo?
– Every freshman has an alc stash somewhere. Your mission is to find and consume every bottle those sad little idiots nervously bought with their fake IDs. If the person living in your old dorm has none, they are a loser and now you must verbally berate them.
– Become inevitably depressed when you realize the real world will never respect you for how much you can butt-chug without dying of alcohol poisoning.
Challenge Round:
– Take control of an entire floor with your now-has-been friends and turn that bitch into a tarp slide! Remember, it’s not a good night unless someone breaks a bone.
Sex Position: SPW – Sex Party Weekend
This month, we at the Monthly Rag wanted to give you and your special someone a special challenge for this special weekend. Not so much a position as a sexual endurance test that is definitely a threat to your well-being and explicitly discouraged by Dr. Miller at the Health Center, the Sex Party Weekend probably won’t get you to climax, but it will land you in Taylor Lake at dawn. First and foremost, gather your supplies: a gallon of coconut oil, four grams of molly, an eightball of cocaine, two shrooms sandwiches, and two racks of Natty. Don’t worry, you’ll share it all with ya boo. In the order of your preference, consume the substances you’ve acquired (don’t expect to sleep for two days), and once you both hear colors and can’t stop rubbing shit on your face, coat yourselves in the coconut oil. Proceed to fuck at every SPW event. Don’t get caught by Campo or you lose. You will be declared supreme winner of the challenge if you and your partner get it on in the lake at dawn, but you’ll probs be hospitalized by then, tbh. MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR.
The 40% Curve
For some, spring break brings relaxation, margaritas on the beach, sleeping in, and de-stressing after finishing midterms. For others, it means cold weather, Keystone withdrawal, and exams looming around the corner. Arguably, though, it’s the professors who assigned numerous midterms the week before break who have it the worst; they have to grade dozens of written-the-night-before essays and exams during their week off. This game is for them—to postpone the headache while grading those bad boys for the morning after. Give it a shot!
Players: 1+
Materials:
(1) handle of Recipe21 (understanding how bad an R21 hangover is will- help your prof recognize why it was so hard for you to think during your pre-noon chem exam)
Any Frank mixer of your choice (Sprite, cranberry juice, water, etc.)
Instructions:
– Take a drink each time your students use “affect” or “effect” in place of the other
– Take a drink for each time some form of the word “conclusion” is a student’s concluding
– Take three drinks for incorrect quotation citations/bibliographies/footnotes etc
– Make your drink stronger every time you come across an incorrect use of significant figures
– Finish your drink for an incomplete
Challenge round:
– Choose a random exam off the top of the pile and take a shot for every point missed
Sex Position: The March Madness
This month, take your sexual exploration to the extreme with a bracket of 68 experimental fetishes and positions approved by both you and your partner. Expand your mind (as well as a few other orifices) with some real freaky shit: toefucking, in- corporating an old hamburger bun into the love-making, etc. Over the course of a month, do the nasty and vote with your partner to decide which fucked up shit comes out the victor. Share your brackets, kinkshame your friends, and find out you’re really into some ass-backwards kinks in an absolutely exhausting and libido-destroying month of horizontal hula!
Please note: we here at the Rag are not responsible for any injuries — mental or physical — that occur as a result of your dick-bending benders.
The Spring Semester Classic: Dirty Rush Drinking Game
Every spring, our school begins the timeless tradition of finally welcoming freshmen boys onto the party scene in the form of dirty rushing. Guys start flirting with each other more than with girls, and there are a suspicious number of bros nights in at the house. Freshmen do their absolute best to seem like they actually hooked up with someone in the last six months. Welcome to Spring Semester.
Players: 1+
Materials:
(1) handles of Recipe 21
Several racks of Keystone
(1) Eight-ball of cocaine
Instructions:
– Every time you get a Tau brother’s number, take a pull
– If a Tach brother talks to you at the gym, shotgun a beer on the spot
– If you meet someone with a “cool group of friends,” rail a line of coke
– If a Beta guy says, “we’re probably gonna start mixing soon,” take a shot to help the bullshit go down easier
– Every time someone asks, “what’re you doing in the fall?” take a pull
Sex Position: Go for the Gold
This month, take your inspiration from the wild adventures of the athletes who are currently all over the news. Rumor has it that each Olympic athlete received 37 condoms for their two week stay, which they undoubtedly will use up in their post-competition endorphin high. Set a goal for yourself to beat them at their own game and find more than 37 different partners within the next two weeks. Use different sports as inspiration for individual poses. For instance, sweep your condoms toward the bed in the style of curlers. For the outdoorsy types, try “lube luge” – covering your naked bodies in lube, sliding down the hill on Whitnall Field as if you were Olympic doubles lugers, and holding that position (essentially one person lies on top of the other) fuck to completion at the bottom of the hill. For those with “I, Tonya,” aspirations, role playing a figure skating pair in the Class of 1965 Arena could be fun, but you’ll have to beat the hockey-style BDSM couples to get the prime real estate.
New Year, New Me, New BAC Drinking Game
As 2017 comes to a close, it’s time to look back on what a shit year it’s been and how we can do better. To a certain extent, it’s out of our hands. We can only pray that Vine comes back in 2018, but there are a few things we can work to improve with New Year’s Resolutions. You’re an idiot if you believed that sentence, 2018 will be another clusterfuck in the cycle of your life perpetually falling apart. TIME TO BLACKOUT.
Players: 1+
Materials:
(3) handles of Recipe 21
A chaser of your choice, if you’re a little bitch
Instructions:
– Every time you hear, “new year, new me,” take a pull
– Any mention of new gym routines, take a pull
– Instagram posts about self-improvement, take a pull
– If someone tries to talk to you about their New Year’s
ResolutionsTM, rip (3) shots
– If someone asks you about your resolutions, chug until you’re sobbing uncontrollably
Sex Position: The Ole Peppermint Twist
This position, also known as “Something Funky with a Candy Cane,” is a real crowd pleaser during the holiday season. We recommend beginning preparations at least three days in advance, including hourly stretching, drinking plenty of water, and a few hot yoga sessions. Once you and your partner feel adequately limber, each take separate cold showers with peppermint-scented soaps, followed by peppermint lotions, peppermint-flavored mouthwash, and peppermint perfumes. This step is essential to the success of your love-making; the goal of this position is to feel as if you are fucking a candy cane, and that is impossible to achieve without a suffocating amount of peppermint scents and flavors. Rejoin your partner for the next step; now you begin painting each other in the red and white twisted stripe pattern of a candy cane. After you are both entirely covered in paint, tape candy canes to all of your fingers and give into passion. Following climax, eat the candy canes and pillow-talk about your daddy issues.
The Monthly Rag 