HAMILTON, NY — On one night in September, the unimaginable happened: people had sex in Curtis Hall. More specifically, a group of people, with the numbers ranging anywhere from four to 130. Rumors have since circulated about the night in question, with students wondering who was there and what exactly went down to make the night so infamous.
A rumor that has been circulating recently is that Colgate President Brian Casey was present that night.
“Is that a fucking rumor? That’s goddamn untrue. Empirically false,” Jordan Quinn, the fifth in the orgy, said. “I want some damn respect. His saggy-ass balls were not involved in that euphoric night in nirvana.”
Members of said orgy are not the only ones to discount the veracity of such a salacious rumor.
“Woah. Is that true?” a rightfully skeptic Friend, Sierra Wilson, asked. “I can’t believe that my president — I mean, President Casey would do something like that. (You’re not going to print that about ‘My president,’ right?)”
Rumors surrounding Casey’s closeness with the student body and the students’ bodies have been categorically proven false. It is unknown where they stemmed from and assumptions can only be made about their origins.
The Curtis Hall Basement was built as a labyrinth, so members of the unofficially named “Bimonthly Curtis Sex Club” set-up signs directing interested parties to the room of their choice. Uninvited residents of Curtis Hall allegedly called campus police to report the “Health and Community Guidelines” violations after allegedly hearing repeated moaning, splashing and bed frame bumping.
“The first thing I want to say is that at no point did I see President Casey present at the orgy or in any of the other rooms. I would like to repeat: President Casey was NOT at the orgy,” Campus Officer Walter Wolfe said, continuing, “I arrived at Curtis and, God, I’ve never witnessed anything like that. There were neon strip lights taped up all around the basement. There were signs saying things like ‘Furry Room: Let Your Animal Out,’ ‘Key Party: Swing the Door and Swing Tonight,’ and ‘Orgy.’ I opened the door to the orgy room because, you know, I had to respond to the call and wow. That was the first time I’ve seen something like that in person.”
While students have been critical of the events that occurred that night, some students are quick to clarify that they are by no means kink shaming.
“First of all, I just want to say that orgies and kinks of any kind are good and should be fully explored with willing and enthusiastic consent,” Finding, Understanding, and Connecting with Kinks Club President Rachel Hawley said. “However, we strongly denounced, again, denounce, these actions. Not because of the nature of the sexual actions that were carried out, but because of how incredibly selfish and unsafe these actions were during a pandemic. [These members] knew we were still in Gate 1 at that point. They took their own needs and wants and placed them above the safety of the wider community.”
The Rag continues to monitor the situation and will provide updates as more information comes to light.
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