STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN—A junior from Colgate University has been asked to return home early from her off-campus study group. While not officially a Colgate program, the Swedish group is affiliated with the university, but at this point is willing to sever ties. Professor Candee Fisher serves as Colgate’s representative to the Board of Directors for the Swedish Program but was reluctant to give details on the student’s fate.

One might ask what led to this stage and if one did ask, another might respond: so many things.  It all began innocently enough with a suitcase handle breaking while on an escalator, causing four people to fall again and again as the escalator pressed onwards.  Then all taxi drivers decide to strike at the same time outside the airport. Last, a slightly too forceful pull on the shower head causes a pipe to burst in the wall, ruining the plumbing for the floor. The problems progressed to dilemmas such as the supervising professor being trapped in an elevator for five hours as soon as the student disembarked. Eventually the dilemmas became crises when Sweden’s famous ‘condom ambulances’ all ran out of lubricated protection on the same day.

“I don’t know how she’s doing it, but we all know it’s her,” remarked the supervisor after his release from the elevator. “She’s always wearing an unlucky number 13. It’s better for all of us if she just goes home.”

The Office of Off-Campus Study, however, is refusing to allow the woman to come back. When asked to comment, a representative said, “we just barely managed to figure out how to send everyone abroad and they’re trying to create more work for us. If she really is cursed, that might explain why we had so many issues. Let them keep her for a little while. Maybe it’ll wear off.”

There is no word yet as to whether the fact Stockholm’s sewers are backing up and flooding the lakes has anything to do with the student in question.