HAMILTON, NY—In a surprising display of cultural defiance and stunning bravery, sophomore Kara Barnes was spotted sporting her Lollapalooza wristband eight weeks into the 2015-2016 Academic Year.

The neon pink paper bracelet, crumpled and water-damaged after months of steadfast wear, may go unnoticed to the untrained eye. However, it has left many of her unenlightened classmates asking themselves burning questions such as, “I wonder if she did molly?”, “Is she misunderstood?”, “Why hasn’t that wristband gotten moldy? I mean, she’s been showering and sweating with it on for like three fucking months,” and “Does she defy musical, sexual, and cultural conventions, as her wristband suggests?”

But to the few rare renegades at Colgate, it is a recognizable symbol of divine insurgence to the dull community in which they live.  A few short months ago, this subtle accessory permitted her access to all the hottest bands on the indie scene, and it gave her the opportunity to mesh with like-minded, non- conformist, free-spirited, and other hyphenated groups of individuals. It was the key to enhancing her Instagram presence, and it finally gave her an event to which she could wear her Free People apparel. Here in Hamilton, however, it indirectly proclaims her musical superiority over those who actually like the music played at The Jug. It establishes her as a “cool girl” on campus who rejects homogeneity and scissors. Unencumbered by New England fashion protocol, this Connecticut native replaced her Alex and Ani bracelets with this wristband to say that underneath her vaguely bourgeois exterior lies an unsuspecting anarchist. This statement piece silently screams, “I’M A PREPPY FUCK WHO IS MILDLY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF YOU PREPPY FUCKS, AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU KNOW IT!”

Officials are uncertain as to when the wristband will finally be removed, but they remain hopeful that Barnes’s mainstream roommate will collapse under the pressures of Barnes’s passive aggressive actions and perform a vigilante act of justice by ripping off the paper accessory in her sleep.